Cravings

“Your body craves motion,” chirps the all too perky exercise instructor. Clad in her pink and black active wear, I think she actually believes her statement as she looks me in the eye, via my DVD player. Five mornings a week, I roll myself out of bed with a groan and a feeling of ominous dread as I blindly pull on a pair of ancient, work out pants and a stretched out T-shirt, not fit for public eye.

Ugh. My body craves many things, but I can assure you, motion isn’t one of them. I crave chocolate. I crave coffee. I crave good books. I crave vacations. I crave Scrabble games. But, I never, no never, have experienced a craving for motion.

It has been said that exercise releases endorphins in the body for a natural high. Well, that would be another never, no never for me. Try as I might, I can honestly say I have yet to enjoy any semblance of a buzz from a body in motion.

What have I experienced? I know about the pain, the sweat, the grunting and the self induced fatigue. And did I mention the boredom?  Mind numbing, I-wish-I-was-doing-anything-but-this kind of boredom.

In defense of myself, I have climbed on just about every exercise wagon possible in an attempt to find something that I might actually like. I’ve tried Jazzercise, work out stations, aerobic classes, biking, hiking, jogging (sort of), walking, and weights. With a friend, without a friend and in a group. I have an extensive DVD collection of various get-fit-at-home prophets. I’ve worked out in the morning, after work, later in the evening. You name it. I’ve probably tried it (except for water aerobics. I draw the line at adding a swimsuit to the mix.)

I’ve been puzzled at the studies that suggest that exercising relieves stress. Exercise is always the first on the have-you-tried-this list. Well, I’m here to tell you that one of the top stressors in my life is, without a doubt, exercise. I’ve been known to shovel down half a bag of cheese curls as I geared up for another round of leg lifts and tummy tucks. I greet the day with dread until my “yoga fit” DVD is finished pushing me to be the best that I can be.

Frankly, I am a little suspicious of how delightful exercise is supposed to be when I have yet to encounter a fitness instructor who isn’t a fount of encouraging statements.  I’ve never seen or heard someone say, “Eat that chocolate. You know you can do it” or “Push through that cup of coffee. When you hit the wall, drink another cup.” Does that not suggest that there is pain, discomfort and minimal amounts of joy involved in exercising?

Newton’s first law of motion states that an object in motion stays in motion and an object at rest stays at rest. I clearly am clinging to the second half of that statement.  I am insulted when I am told (and I quote from DVD #12) “you know you’ll just get hooked on it anyway.” I do not believe that I will ever get hooked on moving my body. I do not go around implying to others that there might be something wrong with them if they don’t get an endorphin rush from reading a good book or building the perfect word on a triple points square in a Scrabble game. So do not suggest to me that all I need to do is put the muscles in motion so that I can experience a movement induced thrill. Sorry, it’s not going to happen.

Yes, I am bitter and crabby about workouts. No, I don’t believe I will ever come close to craving or looking forward to another yoga session. Despite all the hard feelings and adamant resistance, however, I continue moving. Some part of me believes that I cannot give up totally and that my muscles do deserve some attention. Perhaps, cravings really are only skin deep.