Possibilities

I guess I should be writing about New Year’s resolutions this time of year. Lord knows, I have an abundance of things that need fixing. There are always plenty of standard resolutions to pick from such as losing ten pounds, eating right and exercising more. Yawn. Probably not going to happen and I am loathe to let the TV commercials sweet talk me into cans of SlimFast and discount gym memberships. One 8 oz. can of anything is not going to count as a meal in my book and the whole gym thing is going to involve stretchy clothes without spots on them. That being said, I did come up with a few resolution possibilities.

First, be more spontaneous. Instead of wearing my usual black pants every Monday morning (the ones with the questionable zipper), I could wear my gray pants. I’ll have to mark it on the calendar because I use the color of my pants to help me remember what day it is. I could also start in the potato chip aisle instead of the produce aisle when I go to the grocery story. Not real sure if I’d make it to the bananas after perusing the salt lick displays, but I’m pretty confident that Cheetohs are good for me, too. Or maybe I could take a ride on a motorcycle. (I threw that one in for you, sis. Not gonna happen.)

Secondly, eat more fiber. I don’t think this will be too difficult. I happen to like Bran flakes and what could be more fibrous than cereal enriched with intestinal stimulation? Makes me want to eat a handful right now. I’m going to pass on the flax seed, though. My last encounter with the little wonder cure-all did not end pleasantly. I’m always suspicious of any product that includes the warning to “start slowly.” Yucky alert. I’ll stick with adding a few raisins to my Bran flakes.

                                                                                                              

Finally, don’t sweat the small stuff. I adopt this resolution every year, but always get bogged down with the mental gymnastics of determining just what exactly qualifies as small stuff. Is my potholder starting on fire considered small? How about having my computer desktop folders disappear overnight and hearing the techie guy ask, “Did you back your stuff up?” And then there is my personal favorite of navigating streets encrusted with ice during an early morning work commute. Small stuff in comparison to a nuclear reactor malfunctioning, perhaps, but demanding my immediate attention, nonetheless.

The beauty of aging is that I will forget all my resolution possibilities by tomorrow. Each new day will present itself with a litany of blessings and demands. If I remember to add Bran flakes to my shopping list, I will have them for breakfast. If my black pants are clean, I will wear them first. And if my potholder starts on fire, I will whack at it with a towel and put out the flames. Best of all, I will relish the possibility of being in the moment and in God’s care.

Happy New Year to you!

The Prize

Each week, my husband and I share stories about our latest addle-brained behaviors. (Yes, we are desperate for entertainment at our house.) We have a little contest to see who does the dumbest thing so we can determine who wins the stupid trophy for the week. I’m not talking about misplacing a set of keys or forgetting where your car is parked. That kind of stuff is for lightweights. I’m talking about the kind of forgetfulness that gets you on waiting lists at assisted living facilities. We’ve already given our daughter a heads up so she knows what kind of accommodations we are looking for.

My husband won the prize this week. He came home from work and asked me to look down at his feet, not for bowing purposes, but to make an observation. After looking past the gunk on his work boots, I realized that he had on two different boots. To be fair to the man, a few years ago I wore two different shoes to work. Mind you, middle school students don’t notice if there is a test or an assignment due most days, but boy howdy, show up with a fashion faux pas and they wake up real fast. 

Last week we tied for the prize. I opened my silverware drawer and found a brick of cheese nestled among the knives. It would make sense to me if I found the cheese cutter in the fridge and could then blame it on a simple mix-up. Nope. Just plain dumb. My husband needed a new wallet so he drove across town to purchase one on sale. When he went to pay for it, he realized that he had left his old wallet at home. Needless to say, he is still using his tattered billfold until the planets align again.

Three weeks ago, I won the trophy. I was desperately searching for the remote control, digging through the couch cushions and checking under the easy chair. Just as I was about to give up and look for the power button on the TV, I realized I was holding the remote. I think this one even scared my husband.

Today, I’m pretty sure I might be in the running for the next honor. I went to the grocery store and came out with a bajillion bags of groceries. Just as I was about to leave, I realized that I forgot a few important items. So I bustled back into the store and picked up my straggling items. (I tried not to go through the same checker’s line...didn't work.) As I headed for the door, I heard the checker girl say, “Maam, you forgot your bag of groceries.” I thanked her and mumbled something about being very busy as I clutched my bag and hustled toward the exit. The whole truth is that I quit using the drive-up service many years ago due to my driving all the way home several times without picking up my groceries. Now, I’m going to have to tether myself to the shopping cart and hope for the best.

I wish these stories weren’t true, but the truth of the matter is that I have to face the truth of the matter, gray matter, that is. The brain is a complex and baffling organ. Despite the invention of post-it notes, pill organizers and remote control caddies, we all have moments that threaten our link to sanity. My suggestion is to adopt my grandmother’s attitude. Shortly after she started to lose some of her memory agility I asked her what she planted in her garden. She replied with a smile, “Oh, I don’t remember. We’ll just have to see what comes up.”

Grazing

‘Tis the time of year for all things gooey and chewy, munchy and crunchy. Parties, family gatherings and traditions make sure that no culinary stone is left unturned. I am a grazer by nature so there are no complaints coming from this chick. My hat is off to all the bakers who lovingly tend pots, pans and sheet trays full of holiday goodness.

Over the years, however, I find myself gravitating toward certain delectables and leaving others behind. I have no scientific reason for my preferences. I just know that my hand reflexively reaches out like a striking snake when certain yummies are near.

Here are a few treats that don’t stand a chance in my presence.

1) Fudge—sugar dressed up in cocoa finery. I make the non-technical version with the marshmallow crème, gobs of butter and a bag of chocolate chips. One batch is never enough.

2) Chex Mix—I could eat gallons of this crunchy medley. Despite the invention of the microwave, I still think the mix is best when baked in a slow oven for an hour with gentle stirrings every 15 minutes. Junkies can never spend enough time with their Chex.

3) Cheese Balls—I don’t need anything Martha Stewarty with goat cheese and scallions. Just give me an old-fashioned orb made of that processed cheese and pimentos in a jar. Add some cream cheese and a few drops of Worcestershire sauce. Good to go.

4) Crispix Mix—the sweet cousin of Chex mix. With its merging of cereal, pretzels and peanuts, I think it could be classified as healthy.  I’m pretty sure the half pound of butter and the brown sugar is offset by the fortified cereal and protein laden nuts.

5) Peanut butter Ritz cracker thingies—I don’t know their official name but they are made by assembling a peanut butter sandwich with a couple of Ritz crackers and then dipping the whole shebang into almond bark. Crunchy, creamy deliciousness.

6) Crackers, chips and pickles—It would probably be cheaper to just set out a salt lick for me, but it wouldn’t be nearly as fun.

Now for a few goodies that are usually safe from my roving fingers.

1) Divinity—just looking at the cloyingly sweet little globs of sugar, corn syrup and egg whites gives me a sugar rush headache. Never mind the damage they wield on the enamel of my teeth.

2) Candy canes—I know it’s a little un-American to disparage the bicolor twist of mint, but I’m a purist and prefer my Altoids.

3)  Pecan Tassies—I have a love/hate relationship with the miniature pecan tartlets. Years of cookie fundraisers at my daughter’s school drove the craving right out of me. Thanks, sis-in-law, for giving up a day every Thanksgiving holiday to help me bake my fair share. We were a good baking team, but I’ve since retired my tassie gear.

4) Caramels—once a favorite of mine. The installation of permanent braces on the back of my teeth has closed the door on that old friend.

5)  Jello—I don’t see much of it on goodie trays but the stuff scares me any time of the year.

Hope your holiday dishes are filled with delightful delicacies. Happy grazing!

  

The Farm

Sometimes I think that the reason I am comfortable in a classroom is because it reminds me of my childhood on the farm. There was always a flurry of activity and the work was never done. Tending crops and raising livestock meant good days, bad days and never a dull moment. Plans could be made for the week but it was more likely that a litany of demands would squawk their way to the top of the to-do lists. Flexibility was a requirement, not an option. Life had a visceral edginess to it and it was not for the fainthearted.

The classroom cast of characters is also redolent of life on the homestead. The cocky rooster is always ready and willing to strut around, making his presence known. He demands a little reining in and a reminder of who is in charge of the operation. The cattle are fairly content to graze away on the food put before them. They need guidance toward the barn or the pasture and are usually willing to follow the herd. The pigs like to rout around and get their noses into whatever is or is not their business. They can be adventuresome, but not always in a good way. The chickens are cute when they are little, but take a turn for the worse as they age. They are messy and skittish. They prefer to work alone and need a great deal of structure to be productive. The farm cats have their feet in two worlds, the wild and the domestic. They know that there are perks to schmoozing with the folks in charge, but they are not afraid to take after a rat or two. The farm dogs are the go-to animals. Loyalty is their best asset and they are not afraid of pitching in and getting the job done. They will let out a bark or two when something is awry and are determined to protect their turf.

A thousand decisions need to be made at any given time in the classroom and on the farm. Variables are the pawns in the game. Make a move one way and be prepared for a quick counter move. The crop that had the greatest yield one year is not necessarily the crop that will do well the following year. Weeds are battled every step of the way. A good calving season does not guarantee a strong beef market. Diversification demands fearless optimism and a satchel full of strategies. Thinking on your feet is compulsory and keeps you fit for survival.

Time is a precious commodity for both occupations. There is never enough of it. When equipment fails, the clock continues to tick and the skies continue to darken. Haste is always pushing at sensibility. The needs of livestock and crops are immediate and precarious. Bells ring and cows bellow with insistent urgency. Our clients do not have waiting rooms.

Teachers and farmers can be called crazy. Despite hailstorms, drought, weeds and technological break-downs, we persevere. Crops are planted, baby chicks are ordered and equipment is purchased. Handbooks are read, statistics are analyzed and strategies are implemented.

Let it be said for both of us, spring is always filled with the hope of the fall harvest.

   

Questionnaire

I enjoy reading magazines, everything from Good Housekeeping to the Smithsonian. The articles are fairly short and can be easily read when I am in between books or too distracted to focus on a plot line. I like to peruse recipes, travel to far away places and imagine that I might someday really get organized.

One popular feature of many magazines is the questionnaire. After answering and scoring a few questions, you can discover your personality type, clothing style and whether or not you are a ventriloquist wanna-be. Sometimes I agree with the results, but most of the time I am like most entities and just manipulate the data to match what I think the results should be.

A questionnaire I have not seen is one determining your Christmas holiday style. Here is my version of what it might look like. Feel free to score yourself and discover whether you are a Santa, Elf or Scrooge.

1. Decorating Style

a. I start decorating for Christmas in July. I’m always on the lookout for new ornaments and holiday trappings. No corner shall be unadorned.

b. I start decorating around Thanksgiving time. I use what I have in my Christmas storage bins and I like to add a few new things from the after Christmas sales.

c. I have a Hy-Vee plastic sack with a few Christmas knick-knacks that I received as gifts. Easy to set up and quick to take down.

2. Christmas Tree

a. My trees have themes and are color coordinated. I like to have different sizes and styles scattered throughout the house. I love the fragrance of balsam and pine.

b. I have an artificial tree in one of my bins and a collection of ornaments and white lights. My tree stands in the corner of the main living space so we can all enjoy it during the holiday season.

c. I print out a picture of a Christmas tree and hang it on the wall. I update it each year.

3. Christmas Cards

a. I start taking photographs of my family in matching outfits and Mount Rushmore in the background as soon as possible. I include a newsletter with poetry, recipes and a special section featuring family awards and travels. All letters are in the mail by December 1.

b. I send a card and a brief family update to my closest friends and relatives. Sometimes I include a picture and I like to personally sign each card that goes out.

c. I update my Facebook profile.

4. Christmas Gifts

a. I personally match each gift with the wants and desires of the recipients. Everyone from my great aunt to the boy who packs my groceries receives a precious treasure.

b. I purchase gifts for family members. I am a big fan of exchanging names and setting a dollar limit on purchases.

c. I like to twirl the gift card carousel and one stop shop.

5. Gift wrapping

a. I have wrapping paper with different textures and themes. Ribbons and bows are carefully coordinated with the paper style and age of the recipient. My packages are works of art.

b. I use a combination of gift bags and wrapping paper. I like to have a few rolls of different paper for some wrapping variety and my bows usually come from an assortment package.

c. I use an envelope for the gift cards. I have one jumbo roll of discounted wrapping paper that I use every year if I have to wrap a gift. I slap on a bow if I can find one from last year that is not too squished.

Give yourself 3 points for every (a); 2 points for every (b); 1 point for every (c)

If you scored 12-15 points, you are a Santa. You own this holiday. Pour yourself another cup of coffee because you are going to need it.

If you scored 6-11 points, you are an Elf. You are willing to climb on board the sleigh of holiday happenings and ride with it. Pour yourself another glass of apple cider. The Vitamin C will help keep you healthy.

If you scored 0-5 points, you are a Scrooge. Pour yourself another glass of seltzer water and remember that this too shall pass.

I hope you enjoyed the questionnaire. You’ll have to excuse me now as I have a tree to put up.