2 Pears

It is official. I have emblazoned upon my forehead the following statement. "Do NOT, under any circumstances, honor a coupon from this woman." My track record with coupon shopping has always been dismal at best, but last week's coupon debacle sealed the deal. Or rather, missed the deal.

I received a flier of coupons in the mail from my local grocery store. Big brother watches us now so several coupons were for items I regularly purchase. Amidst the standard 50-cents-off coupons was a rather large discount incentive. Purchase $150 worth of groceries and your bill will be slashed by $15. Sweet. I do not often purchase that amount of groceries in one trip but I needed a few big ticket items and it was a possibility my bill would hit the mark. Just in case I was a little short, I brought a few 50-cent coupons with me so I could use those instead.

After loading my cart with the necessary items, I made my way to the checkout counter. Immediately, I knew I was in for a dicey gauntlet when I recognized the cashier. She has notoriously nixed my coupons in the past, justly or not, with her steely gaze and long pause while she reads the fine print on whatever scrap I hand her way. She looked at me and asked her obligatory question, "Do you want your milk in a bag?"  I replied with my usual response, "No, thank you."

Let the games begin.

She slid each item across the scanner and I watched the dollar amount inch its way to the magic number. Finally, the total reached $149.20. I had 2 pears to go. She rolled those pears around enough to create a pear crumble but despite her best efforts, the total reached a few cents beyond $150.00. I had the big coupon laid out on the counter with the two smaller coupons as a backup. She scrunched her forehead as she read the fine print on the biggie (there wasn't any), frowned, put the coupon down and quickly scanned the two small coupons. She looked up at me and unflinchingly stated, "Sorry, you are under $150.00."  Even for her, this was a new low. I was so stunned I could not muster the wherewith all to respond coherently. As I completed the transaction I mumbled something about this being just plain dumb. She watched the machine spit out my receipt and handed it to me with nary a nod, smile or have a good day. Awash with incredulity, I trudged my way through the parking lot to my vehicle.

In hindsight, I should have demanded she void the two small coupons. I was feeling pressure by Ronnie Restless, the antsy customer in line behind me with two items and a huge thought bubble saying, "that lady better not get weird with her coupons." I also should have sought out the manager. Unfortunately, there is usually a choice of two possible managers on duty early Saturday morning. There is the lady who hides in the candy aisle so she doesn't have to help up front and the really cranky young one who tosses past expiration bread loaves on the floor with the zeal of the grim reaper. Thus, I chose not to do anything about my perceived injustice.

I will continue to shop at my neighborhood store because one bad apple does not represent the whole orchard. But next time, I will buy more than two pears if I want to seal the deal.

Ritual

Rituals can have a calming influence on many of us. I don't mean the kind that involves eating the raw liver of a freshly hunted deer or deciphering patterns of tea leaves. I am speaking of the little things we do that involve no overt thinking or decision making. A cup of black coffee in the morning. A bag of Cheetos on a road trip. Tea with mom on Saturday afternoons. Searching for the daily paper on my driveway (yes, we are the dinosaurs still getting hard copy news). Baking chocolate chip cookies when the larder is empty.

One ritual I held near and dear for many years was my time with the radio show Prairie Home Companion. Five o'clock on the dot most Saturdays found me perched on the corner of my couch with the radio remote in my hand. I settled in for a couple hours of musicians, storytelling and of course, the latest news from Lake Wobegon. One other component of my ritual was simultaneously watching the Funtime Polka hour on public television, sans volume. I lost myself in the visual zone of smiling folks twirling on the dance floor with the oom-pah-pahs of the Larry Olsen band and the auditory world of radio sketches and music. For two hours I put the world on pause and enjoyed my moments of escapism.

Last year, my ritual took a bit of a tumble. The long time host of Prairie Home, Garrison Keillor, passed the baton on to a new, hip young man, Chris Thile. Chris is a brilliant musician and a bundle of energy. His challenge of garnering a younger crowd for the iconic radio show is no small task. He has age on his side. Garrison was slowly losing his audience, not because of disinterest or disloyalty. Garrison's aging crowd was dying off and the show would go with it if a change wasn't made. Enter, Chris.

I have not completely abandoned my Saturday evening ritual. I am determined to give the new host a chance. He has had some great music and he kept most of the original radio acting crew for his sketches. His energy is boundless and the younger crowd seems to adore him. But, I miss Lake Wobegon. I miss looking up a new word used by Garrison in his monologue. I miss Garrison's sonorous voice and folksy style. I miss the lives of the hapless cowboys out on the range and Duane's tenuous relationship with his neurotic mom.

Last week I found myself a little lost at 5:00 on Saturday. The PHC show was a re-run of Chris's first show which had aired just a few months ago. I couldn't bring myself to listen to it again. Not because it was bad, it just wasn't my favorite. So, I grabbed my TV remote and switched to the Funtime Polka show and for the first time, I turned up the volume. I recognized my favorite dancers and the band but the tunes were refreshingly new to me. I heard the laughter and banter from the band. I heard the shuffling of tired, but energized feet on the dance floor. I hummed along to an old polka tune and I put the world on pause again.

Celebrate your rituals this week and feel free to add a new one or two. I won't judge.