Hacks

Sometimes I am completely baffled by the morphing of words in our English language. Case in point, my name. I was christened Gay Lenore by my parents who were very happy to have a healthy baby girl after losing a son to spinal meningitis. Now, my name causes puzzled looks from younger generations and a hesitation to speak it aloud. I cherish my name but I have adopted variations in an attempt to make it easier for others to cope.

Lately, the word "hack" has bewildered me. Prior to the age of technology, the word had three meanings for me. One involved weapons of cutting destruction, e.g. The cat hacked a mouse to death. Another meaning involved bronchial activity, e.g. The cat hacked up another hairball. A third meaning referred to endurance, e.g. The cat was unable to hack the long ride to the vet. A more recent definition emerged with computers, e. g. All my cat videos were hacked.

I will spare you the complete etymology of the word "hack" but apparently the first known use of the word had to do with rearing young hawks. Fast forward a few generations and the word now means shortcut or helpful tip, e.g. One hack for stopping cats from upchucking on your carpet is removing all your carpet.

In the spirit of the latest meaning of the word hack, I have a few hacks of my own.

1) Fruit juice--No, I do not create cutesy drinks from fruit gone bad. I do, however, need a small amount of juice on occasion for a recipe. I am not a juice drinker so excess juice goes to waste. Enter, frozen juice concentrate. I can scoop out as much apple or orange concentrate as I need to make just the right amount of juice. No more aging juice containers staring me down in the fridge.

2) Golf pencils--I am a middle school teacher and there is one constant in my life. Students with no pencils. It is a time wasting activity for all parties as said students bother classmates and the teacher for a writing utensil. My blood pressure demands a simpler solution. Golf pencils. Boxes and boxes of them, 144 per box. Each stubby little sharpened pencil removes one more excuse for not being productive. Productivity equals happy teacher.

3) Dim lights--I was probably a mole in another life due to my aversion to bright lights. There are advantages to pale lighting besides matching my skin. Dust is less visible when the lights are down low and a bad hair day can seem a little less repugnant. Take my advice and view the world with a little less garishness.

4) Dressing rooms--Is there anything worse than trying on clothes in a fluorescent-lit, 2x2 space? I discovered that if I take my glasses off, I can focus on what is important, comfort and fit. I no longer obsess about the misshapen image staring back at me from the circus mirror. The hazy image is now my friend and I am able to shop without terror.

Enjoy a little hacking this week, be it chopping, coughing, saving time or fledging a baby hawk.

To-Do

It is back to school crunch time for students and teachers. My to-do list seems to grow longer by the minute despite my attempts to cross off accomplished tasks. It is also difficult to finish jobs when unforeseen circumstances set up speed bumps along the way. One day last week was particularly fraught with dead ends.

First on my list was a car wash. My vehicle was in desperate need of a cleansing, inside and out. The birds had baptized the exterior with a Picasso-like painting and the interior was sprinkled with the remnants of several 240 mile trips to and from my mother's house in preparation for the sale of her house. Added to the mix was Cheeto dust, Cheez-It crumbs, empty water bottles and one very large cedar chest. Definitely, time for a purge. As I approached the car wash, I noticed that it seemed a little slow. Yeah, no long wait. Then I read the sign: Closed for the week due to the installation of new equipment. Drat. Move on to item two on the list.

I needed a bag load of items from the drug store such as toothbrush, vitamins, shampoo, deodorant, the essentials for good hygiene and health. Unlike the car wash, the drug store parking lot was packed so no chance of it being closed. The extra service vehicles, however, should have been a red flag. Upon entering the store, it was evident that a water crisis had recently occurred. There were missing ceiling tiles, whirring fans and swishing mops everywhere. Many sections of the store were cordoned off by yellow caution tape. I attempted to weave my way through the maze but it became apparent that the majority of the items on my shopping list were located in the do-not-enter zones. I left the store with two items from my list. Not good.

On to the office supply store for printer ink. After years of staring blankly at rows and rows of ink cartridges, wondering which mystery box matches my computer, I finally problem solved my way to a solution. I have a picture on my phone of my printer and the ink box I need. Brilliant for my old lady brain. Duh, if you are under forty.

Pride goeth before a fall. As I hustled toward the store I realized that my phone was sitting on the file cabinet at home. My low-tech brain does not view my phone as an appendage so this is a common occurrence. Time was dwindling so I took a chance on purchasing an ink cartridge that looked vaguely familiar. No surprise that the only thing correct in the purchase was the brand name. Grrr. Add another trip to the to-do list.

At this point I added one last item to my to-do list: stop chasing. I tucked my crinkled list into my purse and called on a friend for what should have been on the top of my to-do list: spend time with people I love. I was able to accomplish that task and my to-do list woes faded away.

I hope your to-do list includes something joyful and relaxing this Labor Day weekend. All work and no play gives one a bad case of the grumpies.