2 Pears

It is official. I have emblazoned upon my forehead the following statement. "Do NOT, under any circumstances, honor a coupon from this woman." My track record with coupon shopping has always been dismal at best, but last week's coupon debacle sealed the deal. Or rather, missed the deal.

I received a flier of coupons in the mail from my local grocery store. Big brother watches us now so several coupons were for items I regularly purchase. Amidst the standard 50-cents-off coupons was a rather large discount incentive. Purchase $150 worth of groceries and your bill will be slashed by $15. Sweet. I do not often purchase that amount of groceries in one trip but I needed a few big ticket items and it was a possibility my bill would hit the mark. Just in case I was a little short, I brought a few 50-cent coupons with me so I could use those instead.

After loading my cart with the necessary items, I made my way to the checkout counter. Immediately, I knew I was in for a dicey gauntlet when I recognized the cashier. She has notoriously nixed my coupons in the past, justly or not, with her steely gaze and long pause while she reads the fine print on whatever scrap I hand her way. She looked at me and asked her obligatory question, "Do you want your milk in a bag?"  I replied with my usual response, "No, thank you."

Let the games begin.

She slid each item across the scanner and I watched the dollar amount inch its way to the magic number. Finally, the total reached $149.20. I had 2 pears to go. She rolled those pears around enough to create a pear crumble but despite her best efforts, the total reached a few cents beyond $150.00. I had the big coupon laid out on the counter with the two smaller coupons as a backup. She scrunched her forehead as she read the fine print on the biggie (there wasn't any), frowned, put the coupon down and quickly scanned the two small coupons. She looked up at me and unflinchingly stated, "Sorry, you are under $150.00."  Even for her, this was a new low. I was so stunned I could not muster the wherewith all to respond coherently. As I completed the transaction I mumbled something about this being just plain dumb. She watched the machine spit out my receipt and handed it to me with nary a nod, smile or have a good day. Awash with incredulity, I trudged my way through the parking lot to my vehicle.

In hindsight, I should have demanded she void the two small coupons. I was feeling pressure by Ronnie Restless, the antsy customer in line behind me with two items and a huge thought bubble saying, "that lady better not get weird with her coupons." I also should have sought out the manager. Unfortunately, there is usually a choice of two possible managers on duty early Saturday morning. There is the lady who hides in the candy aisle so she doesn't have to help up front and the really cranky young one who tosses past expiration bread loaves on the floor with the zeal of the grim reaper. Thus, I chose not to do anything about my perceived injustice.

I will continue to shop at my neighborhood store because one bad apple does not represent the whole orchard. But next time, I will buy more than two pears if I want to seal the deal.