Saturday, December 14, 2013

Gifting




I am gifting challenged, plain and simple. The world of retail is a baffling and anxiety-ridden place for me and I tend to avoid such activity if at all possible. Gift cards and good old-fashioned cash are my go-to friends when I am faced with holidays, weddings and other such celebrations.

Despite my retail insecurities, there are times when I think I know a gift dud when I see one. Here are a few on my radar.

1) Duck Dynasty Chia Pet--My husband is a huge fan of the Duck boys but I think he would prefer a duck call over a sprouting figurine. Yes, you get your choice of watching Si or Willy grow a green beard, but is this how you want to spend your money and time? Buy a window herb garden if you feel the need for green and DVR your favorite episode so you can watch Si deliver Si-isms rather than Chia sprouts.

2) Ear Wax remover--I saw this jewel on a list of gift ideas in one of our local ads. Somehow I equate an ear wax remover with a nose hair trimmer. Personal, yes. Creepy, double yes. Grooming tools are best left out of the gifting arena in my estimation.

3) Sound amplifier (a.k.a rechargeable hearing aid)--Goodness me. It's bad enough to lose one's faculties, but to receive such an item as a gift is tantamount to pasting an "I'm feeble" placard on someone. Continue to yell at us old folks and leave it at that.

4) Tins--These are often filled with various delectables such as popcorn, candies and fruitcake. And of course, there is the added bonus of having something decorative when one is finished with the treat. And therein lies the problem. When was the last time you wanted to use a rust prone tin for decorating? Let Currier and Ives snazz up your greeting cards and call it good.

5) Gadgets--Cookie presses, salad shooters and Belgian waffle makers promise  to make your life tastier. And your counters full of clutter. Unless you know someone who has excess square footage for such gifts, beware. (Full disclosure: I have a Belgian waffle maker and love every syrup-laden moment it provides. It's nestled by the flashlights in my back closet.)

6) 96-count eyeshadow palette (not making this one up, folks)--If you want to look like one of my seventh graders experimenting with fashion, this is the gift for you. Personally, I don't think there's an eyelid out there that needs more than two or three tasteful adornments. I suggest leaving this wheel of color on the retailer's shelf.

7) Candles the size of tree trunks--Yes, they meet the under ten dollars criteria. No, I don't want my house to smell like pine cones for six years. They also get very difficult to light after they start imploding. A few simple votives are more practical and one doesn't need to adopt a life long fragrance.

Please forgive me if you've already purchased one of the above items for your loved ones. As stated earlier, I'm a gift selecting idiot and not to be trusted. And no worries if you've wrapped up a salad shooter for me. My Belgian waffle maker needs a friend and I'm not afraid to re-gift if I can find a gift bag that is the right size.

Happy shopping!





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