Where Oh Where?

Every winter morning I play a little game called, "Where's the Paper?" The rules are simple. The morning sky must still be dark. The outdoor temperature must range from 20 below to 20 above. A slim little newspaper enshrouded in plastic must be randomly tossed by a random vehicle operated by a random driver. And the paper must land in a different location each day.

The objective of the game is to find the paper before my thinly clad feet (if clad at all) become too cold to continue. So far, I have an 80% success rate and on the days I am unsuccessful, I grumble greatly to my husband as he nonchalantly finds the paper immediately. He very graciously reminds me that he has the advantage of light by the time he is out on the driveway. My bruised ego reluctantly agrees but my inner crabby child vows to do better next time.

One would think the random tosser of papers could hit the wide target of the driveway. Not so at our house. The paper has been found wedged between the lawn and the garbage container awaiting pick up for the day. The paper has been found under the back of the pickup on the driveway, somewhat understandable with a hefty toss by Mr. Random. The paper has been found under the front of same pickup, defying the laws of physics in my estimation. The paper has been found snuggled in the great expanse of snow on our lawn. And the paper has been found resting against the first step of our front deck, hidden from immediate viewing.

It is a testament to my dull life that I take on the challenge of finding a newspaper in the morning like I am ready to ride a wild bull for the PBR tour. I have developed different strategies for the task. One is the full driveway sweep, walking the perimeter first and then crisscrossing in the center. There is the duck and view system where I get down at eye level with the pickup and scan from that angle. There is the kicking at the snow strategy where I am focused on objects in the white background. If I am really serious, I don a coat, footwear and turn on extra lights. This seems a little wimpy to me but even bull riders wear a helmet occasionally. If all else fails, I huff and puff and tell myself the paper is running late and thus, cannot be found. This is only true 5% of the time so the hunt continues.

In all honesty, it is not a paper I am searching for. It is the dodo bird. Mr. Random is flinging his goods onto fewer and fewer driveways as fewer and fewer readers require hard copies. Sure, I can read the digital issue on my tablet or computer. Yes, I can save money by reading scraps of news doled out by the purveyors of "free" news. Of course, I can rely on Instagram, Facebook and Tweets for all the happenings in the world. But, I cannot give up the feeling of newsprint in my hands in the morning. It is a perfect pairing with a cup of coffee and my peanut butter toast.

So, I continue to hunt for the newspaper every morning and say a little blessing for Mr. Random who continues to play the game with me.