Security

As I fumbled my way toward the front door early one morning this week in a pre-coffee haze, I realized that the door was unlocked. I would like to tell you that this was a rare breach of security in our household. In reality, our safekeeping measures are lackadaisical at best. On another early morning this week, I discovered our garage door wide open, yawning away with a come-thither look to all who were passing by. An uneasiness always settles over me and I vow to do better next time. So far, any would be thieves have either not been in the neighborhood or have taken one look at our loot and decided it wasn’t worth the time. A part of me wouldn’t mind if someone snuck off with a chunk of our junk so we could save time disposing of it ourselves.

Here are a few things I’m pretty sure the thieves would choose to ignore.

1)     Furniture—I don’t think we own anything that was purchased within the last decade. Most of our furnishings are cast-offs from family, friends and acquaintances. Our kitchen table is approaching a 3-digit birthday and not in a treasured, antique sort of way. As long as I keep a Shopko, vinyl table cloth on the top of it, I’m pretty sure the table will last us until we check into the assisted living facility.

2)      Appliances—Our toaster is in pretty good shape, other than that, I don’t think our other appliances would be worth the gas it takes to back up a truck and haul them away. Our refrigerator gurgles and murmurs and dribbles a puddle of water every once in awhile. Our stove is sans a few knobs and occasionally sounds off with its timer for no reason other than to taunt the household inhabitants (sorry about that 3:00 a.m. event, sis).

3)     Electronics—The VCR needs a slap or two to get going and the DVD player refuses to play every third disc. Loads of entertainment fun with those two machines. My $9.99 Tracfone is reliable and sturdy but maybe not flashy enough for a techno-bandit.

4)     Cash—I guess there could be a few coins wedged into the couch cushions, other than that, it’s going to be a strike out at our house in the moolah department.

5)      Artwork—Funny.

Here are a few things I think would also be safe, but I would certainly miss if they were gone.

1)     Heating Pad—I’m quite attached to this little gray square of warmth. A hot cup of tea, a good book and my heating pad on a cold winter’s evening—bliss.

2)     Williams-Sonoma Reversible Meat Pounder—A decadent splurge for me with all its smoothly, polished silver goodness. I feel empowered with its heft as I whack away on a piece of resistant protein.

3)     Piano—I gave a lot piano lessons to not-so-Mozart-like children so I could purchase my treasured musical instrument. It does have monetary value, but I’m quite sure its size and tonnage will keep it from being hauled off too quickly. Just ask my husband who has had to move it to new abodes across the country. Each time he longs for a wife who plays the flute.

4)     Cookbooks—I have more of them than I care to count and I’m sure most of them could be replaced. However, the grease splotches, pages stuck together and tattered covers are like a GPS unit guiding me to the good recipes. I’m afraid I would lose my way in the midst of new cookbooks.

I have no solution for our security forgetfulness. I could leave myself a series of Post-It notes as a reminder each evening. I could double check my double checks.

Or, I could just put my Williams-Sonoma Reversible Meat Pounder by my bedside. Burglar, beware.