Kitty Cam

A recent news report shared the findings of critter cams placed around the necks of 50 domestic cats. Apparently, our little kitty friends are participating in perilous behaviors, unbeknownst to their owners. According to the report, free roaming felines participate in at least one risky behavior per week. The behaviors include eating and drinking foreign substances, crawling into small spaces, crossing busy roads and encountering other critters. Well, duh. They are cats. The shocking part of this report is that people are surprised by the results. Anyone who has owned a cat knows that cats set their own convoluted agendas and are only too happy to traipse through hill and dale when given a chance. The study also brought light to the fact that cats are predators and that the little “gifts” they bring home to their owners represent just a fourth of the carnage that they are participating in when they are prowling out and about in the neighborhood. For Pete’s sake, what do people think cats are doing with their nine lives? Licking the feet of their masters? Fat chance on that one unless your toes are bathed in eau de mousie. Cats are programmed to stalk and hunt. Take that away and you might have to check into Kitty Prozac for the remainder of their days.

Another result of the study is that cats can be unfaithful to their owners. Apparently, several of the cats studied were eating and sleeping at a variety of households. Which means that the “Have You Seen My Kitty” posters placed on light poles in hopes of locating a stray feline are really just a desperate attempt to locate a traitorous kitty who is enjoying a change from her usual Little Friskies in a blue bowl. Little kitty cat knows that she will return to a hero’s welcome when the time comes and maybe even a tuna treat or two as her joyful owner heaps love upon the prodigal Fluffy.

All this kitty cam voyeurism makes me wonder what would happen if someone secretly hooked us up with a people cam. Here are a few things that would probably be revealed in my cam footage.

1) The chocolate I eat in public is only a fourth of the chocolate I eat on my own. The location of my cache would also be disclosed. A lock and key might have to be used in the future.

2) Sometimes I park in spaces that are too small for me. My depth perception is weak and it is best if I park in a spot that is a kilometer or two away from the nearest vehicle.

3) I willingly interact with strange critters. They are called middle schoolers.

4) I indulge my need for variety in my diet by eating out occasionally. Sometimes food just tastes better when you’re out of the house.

For the most part, I think my cam footage would be a real snoozer. I also know that if I went missing, there would probably not be any “Have You Seen This Woman” posters on the light poles. I think my husband would just set out a little bowl of chocolate on the doorstep and hope for the best.