Saturday, October 3, 2015

All I Really Need to Know




About twenty-five years ago, a small treatise entitled All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten was published. It sold over seven million copies and is still quoted in graduation speeches and motivational talks. As I entered my mother's assisted living facility a few days ago, it occurred to me that all I really need to know about life I am learning at her place of residence. I don't have the patience or skill to write a bestseller so I will condense my thoughts into a short list entitled, All I Really Need to Know I Learned at an Assisted Living Facility.

1) Dining is better done together--My mom has an assigned seat for all her meals and she is joined by five other residents at her table. They have become her dining family. They trade newsy facility gossip, talk about the weather and bemoan their aches and pains. And as with any good family, there are irritations. Mom still cannot abide by folks who do not eat their vegetables. Maybe that is why I love vegetables to this day. Well, maybe not eggplant.

2) Slow down--On a recent Saturday, I scurried into the facility with my hands full of stuff for mom. My mind was on overdrive as I ticked off items on my mental to-do list. Before turning down the hall to mom's room, I was greeted by the sound of a beautiful voice singing a favorite song of mine. I followed the sound and realized that a band was playing for the residents. I put my bags down and joined my mother. In between each song, mom leaned over and whispered, "Do you have time to stay?" Each time I replied, "It is this or go home to housework." She would giggle and we would enjoy the next song. Truth to be told, I didn't have the time to stay, I thought. But the music chipped away at my restlessness and I found myself lost in the joy of calm. We finished the concert with a hand clapping version of You Are My Sunshine. Some folks were awake for it, others were lost in their dreams, all were entertained.

3) Dress for comfort--Residents sporting elastic waistbands, Sass shoes and cozy sweaters are the fashionistas of the place. No stilettos or Spanx to be had. Mom says the only thing most residents have to worry about is a bad case of chair head so she dutifully runs her hair pick through her silvery hair each time we prepare to leave her room.  She is right. I have seen some serious cases of chair head in the place. It is to be feared.

4) Live in the moment--My mother is able to recall how many quarts of beans she canned each summer when she was raising all of us on the farm many years ago. But, she cannot remember what she said two seconds ago.  Loss of short-term memory has left her struggling to make sense of a world of appointments, checkbooks and recipes. So, we are learning to enjoy each moment as it happens. She still laughs at all my lame jokes as we sip Lady Grey tea together and she always says, "Thanks for stopping by" as she accompanies me to the veranda of her new home. She may not remember that I visited her, but she enjoys the time we spend together.

Feel free to use any part of my list in your next graduation speech. Just don't forget to wear your Sass shoes and comb your hair.




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