Saturday, April 1, 2017

The corner






Long before there were parenting magazines, parenting blogs, parenting books and parenting life coaches, there were parents who figured out parenting. Generations before us managed to raise passels of kids. My own parents raised a household of seven lively children. The jury may still be out on their results, but so far, none of us are serial killers or drug addicts (unless you count blood pressure pills).

My mom was a teacher so she had discipline coursing through her veins. Rules were not suggestions and consequences followed poor choices. Picking on your little brother, "forgetting" to do your chores or talking sassy meant you were living dangerously. Mom meted out punishment swiftly and justly and there was a calming sense of order that prevailed.

One of mom's go-to consequences for naughtiness was "the corner." We were told to stand with our faces toward the corner of a wall in our kitchen. Mom set the timer so she could go about her tasks without having to watch the clock. There was something about staring at a blank wall with your back to the outside world that seemed torturous to a child. A five minute sentencing felt like five hours. Siblings sometimes giggled when they walked by your wall of shame. Your back ached because you had to stand still in one place. You were alone with your thoughts and you promised yourself that you would never commit such a crime again because the corner was not your friend. Finally, the timer dinged and you scampered off with a stern reminder from mom not to be so foolish again.

Such a tactic is now called time-out. I suppose it has a nicer ring to it than "the corner" but the concept is the same. Do the crime, do the time.

When the time came for me to begin parenting, books and magazines on rearing children were becoming more available. Dr. Spock (no relation to the Star Trek guy) was a go to author for many and I read some of his famous book, Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care. I have no recollection whether his advice worked or not but it was an interesting read. The internet was not available for the masses, yet, so we didn't have to deal with the comparison monster. My friends were not posting glossy photos of their fabulous trips or their adorable children doing adorable things in adorable homes. The only way I knew what my mom friends were doing was to visit them face to face. I discovered we were all changing poopy diapers, losing sleep with crying babies and wondering if we were good enough parents.

As a teacher, I have worked with hundreds of children. It doesn't take long for me to identify the kids who have good parents. Good parents have kids who understand consequences. Their kids are not perfect. Their kids make mistakes. And their kids test the boundaries. But, through it all, good parents produce kids who know where the line is and their kids know that crossing the line will come at a price.

"The corner" may not have been a fun part of my youth, but I am grateful to my mom for sending me there when I needed it. And, no, I don't need to share how often I sat there. Let's just say, sometimes I needed a chair to complete my sentencing. Thanks, mom.



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