Math

Starting a new week is like beginning a math problem with positive and negative integers. Sometimes you move forward and sometimes you pivot the other way. Case in point. Our aging home is in desperate need of a few upgrades. Time and money are the usual roadblocks but we are determined to persevere and take one baby step at a time in hopes of maintaining a home we can sell before assisted living units start calling our names.

Last Saturday it was time to tackle the kitchen sink and the basement shower. My husband is a very skilled carpenter, but he knows that his expertise stops when it comes to the world of plumbing. He is also not one to watch eighteen YouTube videos in an attempt to learn how to install a garbage disposal from a guy with questionable credentials. So we hired a plumber to take care of the sink and shower details.

Oh my goodness, nothing says love like a garbage disposal that doesn't howl like a monkey and a kitchen faucet that doesn't leak and looks good at the same time. Three steps forward, for sure. Until I started up the vacuum cleaner. As I made a final pass over the hallway floor, the Suck-o-Master pulled in a chunk of a throw rug and began a horrific wheezing. I immediately shut off the machine and tugged the offending rug out of its mouth. All good. Maybe not. After hitting the start button, an acrid smell filled the air and no suction was evident. I've been down this road before. Time for a new belt. One step backward.

Next, the dishwasher. I ran my usual load of grubbiness in a machine that I'm sure is only two years old (which means that it's probably triple that number but who is counting). When the cycle was completed I unloaded the dishes and as I pushed the bottom rack back into place, I noticed a shimmering haze on the floor of the machine. Standing water. Drainage not working. One more step backward. It is the weekend so no service calls will be made without a serious hit to the bank account so suck it up and do the dishes the old-fashioned way. Another step backward.

Thanks to our plumber, the basement shower seems to be working without incident. A new shower head is still needed but we can install that ourselves. One step forward. Time to record a TV show for the evening. Good grief. One of the remote's arrow keys quit working. I attempted the usual interventions, new batteries, turning the TV off and on, banging the remote and willing it to work. One step backward. Finally, I forcefully pushed on the arrow key for several seconds and it chugged into a sluggish working order. Half a step forward. I'm quite sure this isn't going to cure the problem. We will be adding to our list of errands a trip to the cable service provider sometime soon. Another step backward.

I think I am on the deficit end of the number line this go-around, but it is best not to get too mathy about it all. Use the scientific method instead. My hypothesis is that our house and household appliances with eventually be in working order. Just not all on the same day.

Delicious

Days can sometimes trudge along with a sameness that dulls the spirit. It is not that we are incapable of seeing the goodness in our surroundings. It is more likely that we are entrenched in the tasks at hand and feel the need to stay focused. There is nothing wrong with that but it can lead to a string of lackluster moments. Fortunately, we can be snapped out of banality with bursts of deliciousness that come our way, planned or otherwise. I don't live a life of Facebook worthy posts or passport toting adventures so my delectable distractions come by softly. Here are a few that never cease to delight.

1) Glasses of ice cold water--I warned you. My life is dull. But I just cannot take a sip of icy cold water without sighing and feeling great relief as my thirst is slaked in such a pleasant manner. And the price is right. It's a win.

2)  Cardinals--The sight of this mild mannered, crimson bird always gives me pause. With their peaked foreheads, audacious coloring and imposing size, they have the potential to be tyrannical kings. They, however, maintain an air of humility as they flit quickly in and out of a feeding station, never bossing away the smaller peeps. In the dusky evening hours, when most birds have gone off to sleepier times, my cardinal friends stop by and chat for a few moments with their energetic bursts of chirping, reminding me that they have a voice, too.

3) Pianos--From the lowly, upright workhorse to the stately grand showoff, they all goad me to play a song or two. My skills are not Carnegie Hall worthy, but I know enough to to let my fingers match note to ivory key, allowing me to get lost in a cascade of tumbling melodies. Through it all, I am transported to places of rest and inspiration.

4) Hand-written recipes--I have cookbooks filled with more recipes than I could possibly execute in a century of days. My favorite recipes, however, are those that are handwritten with love on a recipe card or scrap of paper because they are recipes laden with memories. Some are cherished recipes from beloved relatives who are no longer with us. Other recipes are from friends I haven't seen in years but I can picture their faces each time I peruse my recipe box. Many recipes are now on stain splotched, faded cards. The sensible thing to do is enter them into a computer for safekeeping. That will not happen under my watch. Handwriting is going the way of the rotary phone and I want to preserve such relics for as long as possible.

5) The first day of a vacation--This is a moment ripe with the potential for goodness. The frenetic planning, packing and unplugging are left behind. The discovery of forgotten toiletries, missed off-ramps and over-priced tourist stops hasn't occurred yet. Life looks good through the lens of leaving town. Enjoy it with gusto.

6)  Autumn--I am always in desperate need of trading the suffocatingly hot and steamy blanket of summer  with the chilled blast of refreshing cold fronts. The trees join me with a nod of pleasure as they display their brilliancy. Lawns stop their incessant whining for attention and gardens beg to be put to rest. It is sweater time and I am not afraid to love it.

I hope your upcoming week is filled with much deliciousness.

Basil vs. Sage

Fall has been lifting its chilly fingers and scratching at our doors lately. For some, a sigh of relief is audibly present as the windows are flung open and cool breezes squeegee out summer's stale, humid air. For others, a cloud of mourning settles in as flip flops are filed away and pool gates are padlocked. My garden is echoing similar sentiments. When evening temperatures dip below 50 degrees, the basil plants sport new coats of curled leaves and brown spots, as if to say their work on earth is done. No more fresh pesto and  flavor boosting. On the other hand, the sage plants flaunt their silvery gray leaves in a bring-it-on manner. It will take more than a little frost to stop their life juices from flowing.

Our fair city is also in the midst of differing responses to seasons. For the past several years our school board has elected to begin school during peak summer days, two weeks before Labor Day. Many reasons have been given as to the validity of such a schedule, the primary one being that high school students will fare better in their semester tests if they finish them before Christmas break.

Recently, a group of school district parents challenged such logic and went to the school board, requesting an after Labor Day starting time for school. Not only was it denied, the board approved calendars for the next three years, all with start times in mid-August. Not to be deterred, the post-Labor Day folks gathered enough citizen signatures to push the issue forward to a public vote. Their premise is that precious summer days of swimming, vacationing and general outdoor activities are cut short by the early start date. Regardless of which calendar is chosen, the required number of school days will be met and compliance will be made with the state's regulations.

The real question is, "Are you basil or sage?"

If you are basil, you cannot bear to give up one summer day. Your leaves will curl in protest when the sun's heat is taken away. Cool spring days are a waste of time to you and there is little value in time spent indoors. Family time is about backyard barbecues, trips to the lake cabin and traveling with sports teams.

If you are sage, you welcome the shoulder days of spring and fall. You enjoy cool weather activities and recognize that vacationing can happen at any time of the year. You appreciate time spent together, inside or outside. Movies, popcorn, good books and birdwatching are not determined by a calendar date.

As a teacher in the school district, I  report to active duty whenever the calendar dictates. I am less worried about the loss of warm, cool, or temperate days than I am about the education of children. The taxpayers of our city will need to determine whether they believe one month is better than another for learning. My only observation is that students are just as anxious to see their friends in August as they are in September. They are far less joyous about gathering together after Memorial Day.

August or September, May or June. The final votes will determine how our garden will grow.

10 Things Not To Say To A Teacher

There are no dull moments in the world of classrooms, lunchrooms and playgrounds. Each new school year begins with the hope of great things to come. Questioning, discussing, writing, reading and computing bring about earnest academic progress.

Each year also brings on a few questions and statements that many teachers would rather not hear from their students. Here are a few.

1) "What time is this class over?" Not only is this question asked at the end of class but it is also asked as the students are arriving. Social skill number one: please don't ask about the end time of a class, no matter how much you hate learning about arthropods.

2) "I left my homework at home." This is the primary excuse from students who haven't picked up a pencil in my classroom since the beginning of the year. Logic defies believing such a response. I usually dig right into their binders and magically find the unfinished pieces of business. Busted.

3) "I can't get my locker open." This statement most often comes from incoming sixth graders. There is definitely a learning curve in the 20 to the right, 3 to the left and 7 to the right process. I have never been able to open a locker so the kids are on their own with this one. Time for a new smartphone app.

4) "I threw up all night but I think I'm feeling a little better." It is at this point that I take two steps backwards. There is usually a residual green glow still evident on their faces and I would prefer not to be in their target range.

5) "Do we have a test today?" This is usually asked after a week of review, reminders, study guides and website postings. I'm always baffled how such a detail can be missed until the day of the test. Fortunately, there are usually a few students who are only too happy to point out the error of the confused student's ways.

6) "I like your toes." A colleague of mine was the recipient of this response a couple weeks ago. It is a baffling statement and probably best left unanalyzed.

7) "Is your hair turning gray?" It takes a great deal of self control not to share my theory of where I think the gray is coming from. Fortunately, most students aren't interested in the why of my hair color. They just enjoy making observations.

8) "I'm going to be gone for two weeks and need all my homework by the end of the day." Sometimes I'm not even sure what I will be able to cover in class tomorrow, much less two weeks in advance. I appreciate the student's concern but I would prefer that extended vacations happen in the summer.

9) "Do you remember me?" Former students often ask this question, forgetting that they might look a little different from their middle school years (a fact most are grateful for). Let it be said that I want to remember the names and faces of all my students but my brain is packed with student files. Please introduce yourself so we can skip the name game and catch up on what's new.

10) "I don't have a pencil." I understand the occasional absentmindedness that results in a lost writing utensil, but when the same student asks every teacher, every day, I want to poke my eye out with a pencil. There is no way to win this war so I will continue to buy golf pencils by the gross.

Yes, another year of school is in full swing and a whole new crop of students are making their way through the teacher maze. We'll get along just fine, until you ask me why I have so many wrinkles.

Fizzies

One of the joys of old age is being able to draw upon a vast number of life memories, accurate or otherwise. I am quite sure most of my recollections fall into the otherwise category but joy number two of old age is that most folks aren't listening so it doesn't matter if my memories are a bit discombobulated.

A recent discussion with a few of my younger friends revolved around favorite drinks when we were growing up. Elixers such Orange Crush, Dr. Pepper and Root Beer popped up as sweet memories. Not to be outdone I offered up one of my favorite treats, Fizzies. Silence. More silence. It was evident that I had mined too far back in my memory bank for this crowd. Of course, I took it upon myself to let them know what they had missed in the world of enhanced liquids. After my explanation, most of them said they would stick with Fresca.

My memory of Fizzies is truly more about the circumstances than the drink itself. One highlight of my life as a kid on the farm was lunch time (note: lunch was the mini-meal between the noon meal, dinner, and the evening meal, supper). On many occasions my grandfather would join us at the table and we all clamored for his attention. One fun activity we shared with him was selecting our favorite Fizzie drink and ceremoniously preparing it. A Fizzie was a quarter-sized surgary tablet that could be dropped into a glass of cold water and it would fizz its way into a sweet drink. We loved watching the bubbles form around the tablets and we always hoped our tablet would be the fastest to dissolve so we could be the first one to taste our drink. Grape, cherry cola and root beer were a few of the flavor choices and my grandfather loved joining us in each Fizzie moment.

Fizzies disappeared in the 60's due to a banned ingredient in the product. As kids, we found this perplexing. After all, we were the generation of no seat belts, no car seats, no helmets and lard. It seemed cruel to lose our effervescent friend, but Kool-Aid helped us recover from our loss.

The good news is that Fizzies are making a comeback. The CEO of a company in Minnesota said he couldn't bear to live in a world without Fizzies so he bought the trademark and is introducing eight fizzilicious cool flavors (as well as one hot cocoa flavor) to a new generation of wide-eyed kids. He wisely added Vitamin C to the mix so there is a possibility the government will see fit to leave the little tablets alone this time.

I haven't tasted the new Fizzies but there is a possibility they won't meet my memory standards. Not because they aren't as good, but because I won't be sitting around a table at lunch time with my raucous siblings and my grinning grandfather, watching little colored disks froth away in frosty glasses.

Enjoy a sip of your favorite memory this week and if you are feeling bold, share it with all of us. I won't judge.

Lady With A Cake

About a week ago I was driving across town, doggedly ticking off my internal to-do list and feeling a bit frazzled. I came upon a church and immediately had to slow down. It was evident from the activity on the street that an event was taking place. Cars were queuing up in search of parking spots. Suits and dresses were the chosen attire. I wondered if the event was a wedding until I saw an elderly lady pull herself out of her car and start the block hike to the church. She was clutching a 9x13 cake pan with the skill and determination of one who knows how to take care of business. I know of only one morning weekday event at churches that requires donated cakes and that is a funeral.

As I nudged my way through the slowing traffic I watched the lady continue her journey toward the door. I was struck by her simple act of kindness. A sweet moment of sharing that quietly filled a need. She did not appear to be someone who is able to write out seven figure checks to charity. I don't think she has statues of herself placed strategically on the grounds, commemorating her act of giving. I doubt her name is written on buildings or public venues. And yet, when a family is in mourning and needs a cake, she says, "Yes."  Regardless of how busy she might be or how much her arthritis might be flaring up or whether she is out of eggs, she steps up to the task at hand. She makes sure that a cake is ready to go and delivered to the church on time. An ordinary act with extraordinary impact.

I am on the back to school countdown and in just a few short days I will be in front of a classroom again. The easy part is getting caught up in all the minutia of being ready. All the school supplies, the lesson plans, the room posters, the meetings, the class lists, the frenzy. The difficult part is focusing on what is really important. I will be greeted by a new group of faces who will need a sound education. They will need a safe place to be. They will need guidance. They will need positive relationships. They will need someone to hear their voices.

Experience tells me that there will be days when I will become weary from waves of restless children and mountains of paperwork. I will feel beat down by test scores and apathy. I will worry about the troubled lives of children.

But, through it all, I really only want one thing.

I want to be like the lady with the cake.

Quiz

I am not sure when the first self-quiz was published but I do remember seeing them many years ago in publications such as Ladies Home Journal and Woman's Day. Now there are a bazillion quizzes available on line. You can find out which character you are in the Harry Potter movies or whether you are from Tibet or if you are a guinea pig lover. At one time I found the quizzes entertaining and even a bit enlightening. Now, at my age, I'm less likely to take the time to complete one because I find myself arguing with the results. Old dogs don't really like new tricks.

In the spirit of trendiness, I thought it would be fun to share my version of a self quiz. It asks the question, "What kind of herb are you?" (Full disclaimer--it is not a scientific quiz. Please know that I will like you even if you find out you are wormwood.)

1. First thing in the morning I like to:
    a. greet the day with a bracing cup of black coffee
    b. roll over under the covers and hope it's the weekend
    c. fix myself a hearty bowl of oatmeal

2. My idea of a perfect day is:
    a. cool weather and a good book
    b. hot and sunny with lots of beach time
    c. not fussy--I just want to get my work done

3. My favorite food is:
    a. potato
    b. pizza
    c. pork chops

4. My favorite book genre is:
    a. mystery
    b. fantasy
    c. non-fiction

5. My favorite flower is:
    a. Iris
    b. Marigold
    c. Zinnia

6. My favorite movie genre is:
    a. quirky, sleeper movies
    b. blockbuster action movies
    c. classics

7. I expect my friends to be:
    a. punctual
    b. fun
    c. reliable

8. I am annoyed by:
    a. crowds
    b. wimps
    c. airheads

9. I am afraid of:
   a. heights
   b. blizzards
   c. not much

10. I would never:
    a. be late to a party
    b. skip a party
    c. plan a party



Results:
If you selected mostly "a" you are:
Chives--you like to arrive early with your beautiful purple flowers. You have a delicate flavor and pair nicely with potatoes. You can get lost in big pots of soup but chefs crave your dash of color and flavor. You like the weather cool and you can be a tenacious garden dweller.

If you selected mostly "b" you are:
Basil--you know how to pack a punch when the weather gets warm. Your distinct flavor pairs nicely with tomatoes and garlic. You like to show off your fragrant flowers while basking in the sun. Cold weather blackens your mood and your favorite hangout is pesto.

If you selected mostly "c" you are:
Sage--you are a Steady Eddie, bravely thriving in the heat of summer and after the first frost of fall. Your no nonsense foliage pairs well with garlic and pork. You are comfortable in your own leaves and do not need to be the star of the meal.

Whether you are basil, sage or chives, celebrate your flavor!