Do Better

Making New Year's resolutions is a laudable act. Many folks set their goals on January 1 and I suspect, many break them by January 2. Some persevere and survive until the end of January and a few stick with it and achieve their resolutions, God bless them. I wish I could report being in the latter group. I am not. I am too lazy to set a goal most years and my inner Eeyore takes care of the rest.

I do, however, like a phrase a colleague of mine uses on occasion, "I will try to do better." To be fair, the statement is used in an attempt to keep the wolf away from the door when unreasonable demands are being made. I think it is genius. Who can argue with attempts to do better? It is the Tortoise taking steps to win the race. 

One way "I will try to do better" this year is condiment management. My fridge door is often a jumble of accouterments purchased with the best of intentions. In defense of myself, I like to cook and I use many of them.  My jars of mustard are always safe. I need the glow-in-the dark yellow kind for deviled eggs and my favorite dipping sauce. I use the pungent, grainy Dutch Boetje's brand for my Apricot Mustard pork sauce. Honey mustard is perfect for a quick schmear on a grilled ham sandwich and Bourbon Mustard adds an earthy pop to bland chicken sandwiches. 

That being said, there are a few jars and bottles rattling around that defy my attention. I would rather move them to another shelf than make a decision on their usefulness. The cute little jar of horseradish probably needs to go. I like horseradish but my husband is not a big fan of blow-your-nostrils-clean condiments. I think it has a shelf life of, let's say, forever, but that is probably not reason enough to let it take up precious real estate space. I also experimented with a tube of anchovy paste, one tablespoon in a recipe to be precise, and, believe it or not, haven't used it since. Sorry, little fish paste, you're a goner this year. The off brand of teriyaki sauce I purchased because my favorite brand was unavailable at the time is taunting me with a "use me" look. The Dutch in me knows I should finish it before I buy the next bottle but the cook in me says, "yuck, I am not a fan of this one." I am going to let the cook win this round. The ketchup bottle with just a dibble left in it because I am sure I am going to add water to it, swoosh it around and use it my next barbecue sauce is not going to survive, either. And, au revoir to the bottle of barbecue sauce that looked interesting on the store shelf but was a bland disappointment.

One challenge in the war against unfinished condiments is the ambiguous "shelf life" labeling. There are use-by-dates, best-if-used-by dates and no dates at all. If it has a date, is it an expiration date for an unopened bottle or is it referencing a final moment of viable usage? It's a guessing game, for sure. Somehow, I convince myself that jars in my fridge door become immortal and therefore, I can ignore them. 

Going forward, I will try to do better. 

And, watch out sock drawer, you're next.

Where Oh Where?

Every winter morning I play a little game called, "Where's the Paper?" The rules are simple. The morning sky must still be dark. The outdoor temperature must range from 20 below to 20 above. A slim little newspaper enshrouded in plastic must be randomly tossed by a random vehicle operated by a random driver. And the paper must land in a different location each day.

The objective of the game is to find the paper before my thinly clad feet (if clad at all) become too cold to continue. So far, I have an 80% success rate and on the days I am unsuccessful, I grumble greatly to my husband as he nonchalantly finds the paper immediately. He very graciously reminds me that he has the advantage of light by the time he is out on the driveway. My bruised ego reluctantly agrees but my inner crabby child vows to do better next time.

One would think the random tosser of papers could hit the wide target of the driveway. Not so at our house. The paper has been found wedged between the lawn and the garbage container awaiting pick up for the day. The paper has been found under the back of the pickup on the driveway, somewhat understandable with a hefty toss by Mr. Random. The paper has been found under the front of same pickup, defying the laws of physics in my estimation. The paper has been found snuggled in the great expanse of snow on our lawn. And the paper has been found resting against the first step of our front deck, hidden from immediate viewing.

It is a testament to my dull life that I take on the challenge of finding a newspaper in the morning like I am ready to ride a wild bull for the PBR tour. I have developed different strategies for the task. One is the full driveway sweep, walking the perimeter first and then crisscrossing in the center. There is the duck and view system where I get down at eye level with the pickup and scan from that angle. There is the kicking at the snow strategy where I am focused on objects in the white background. If I am really serious, I don a coat, footwear and turn on extra lights. This seems a little wimpy to me but even bull riders wear a helmet occasionally. If all else fails, I huff and puff and tell myself the paper is running late and thus, cannot be found. This is only true 5% of the time so the hunt continues.

In all honesty, it is not a paper I am searching for. It is the dodo bird. Mr. Random is flinging his goods onto fewer and fewer driveways as fewer and fewer readers require hard copies. Sure, I can read the digital issue on my tablet or computer. Yes, I can save money by reading scraps of news doled out by the purveyors of "free" news. Of course, I can rely on Instagram, Facebook and Tweets for all the happenings in the world. But, I cannot give up the feeling of newsprint in my hands in the morning. It is a perfect pairing with a cup of coffee and my peanut butter toast.

So, I continue to hunt for the newspaper every morning and say a little blessing for Mr. Random who continues to play the game with me.

Good to Know

The news in my part of the world is often uneventful and that is a good thing. Undoubtedly we have our share of accidents, murders and thuggery, but such activity is not a given. Therefore, our local newscasters often have to drum up stories whenever we are short on nefarious events. One of my favorite news segments is called Health Beat. The reporter is usually a cute little blond who is out and about gathering tips for keeping us healthy. Here are a few recent ones.

Did you know stress can cause unhealthy eating?

Well, thank you, Caption Obvious. The camera zooms in on a package of holiday cookies during the opening comments and then pans over to a harried shopper to get her thoughts on stressful eating. Miss Harried Shopper admits, publicly, that she has, perhaps, munched on a donut or two when life has gotten a little bumpy. But, she assures us all that she knows better and tries to make good choices. The camera zooms in on some blackberries and a midgy little dietitian who starts waxing and waning about all the alternatives to grabbing a donut or handful of chips. She tries to convince us that a bag of munchies will cause more stress than eating an apple. Sorry, not buying it. Cheetos have yet to fail me as a day brightener.

Did you know cold weather and furnace heated rooms can dry out your skin?

I have always wondered why my shins look like the legs of a tortoise this time of year. An interview with a flawlessly skinned dermatologist reveals more surprising information. Apparently, lotions and creams can help alleviate dry skin. Who knew? The dermatologist reminds us it is best to slather on the lotion right after a shower so your skin has a fighting chance in the moisture department. It is good to know I am on to something with my tub of goop and after showing greasing.

Did you know it is healthy to get a good night's rest?

Thanks for reminding us of our failures. Many of us are trying our darnedest to get eight hours of shut eye. Despite our best efforts, however, the grip of sleeplessness often refuses to let go and we find ourselves wide-eyed in the wee hours. Our alarm clocks mock us with every passing hour and dare us to fall asleep minutes before we need to arise. We finally raise the white flag of defeat and surrender ourselves to large mugs of coffee and carb-loading for another bleary-eyed day.

Did you know the holidays can cause stress?

According to Ms. Mental Health, preparing for gatherings and gift-giving galas with in-laws, out-laws and random pets can cause angst for many folks. Good to know. Ms. Mental Health also reminds us to beware of our meltdown points. I think that is a nice way of saying, watch out for that moment when you are going to blow your top. Spare yourself such unpleasantness and scale back, people. The sun will come up tomorrow, with or without the perfectly wrapped gift.

I hope you have a very Merry Christmas and remember to give your skin the gift of grease.

Glad Sad

The weather in the upper Midwest teased us with temperatures well above average for this time of year. T-shirts and shorts stayed in the wardrobe rotation cycle as we ignored the date on the calendar. Then, a cold front from our friends in Canada helped right the ship and we are now experiencing more familiar weather for December. There is a gladness and sadness about our slide into winter.

I am glad to feel the brisk coolness on my face when I leave the house each day. Air that hasn't been steamed up with high humidity and smoldering temperatures has a freshness about it and I am always energized by breathing it in. That being said, when and if temperatures dip below zero, the briskness turns to burning frigidity and my skin and lungs are always sad about that. Double digit temps are winter's sweet spot.

I am sad to see my garden give up the last of its bounty. It was a good run this year with the mild fall weather. We only recently dug up the last of our carrots. Going forward, we will miss our tomatoes oozing their juiciness onto our plates. No more fresh cucumbers adding snap and crunch to our side dishes. No more bright green beans sharing their joy with us and a few naughty rabbits. And saddest of all, no more fresh herbs adding sprinkles of color and flavor to our meals. Dried herbs will have to suffice until next June.

I am glad to gaze upon the varieties of recently harvested apples in the supermarket. A quick squeeze indicates their freshness. Yes, I am sad to give up summer fruits such as melons and berries but names like Honeycrisp, Gala, Ambrosia and Golden Delicious perk me up with their promises of deliciousness. Apple pies, apple crisps, apple bread pudding and applesauce are always better with fresh ingredients and count toward our fruit requirements, says this dietician. Apples and their best friends, the oranges, also help get us upper Midwesterners through the winter months and prevent scurvy. Win-win in my book.

I am glad for cozy. Cold weather and fewer daylight hours can send us into a state of sad torpor if we aren't proactively embracing the seasonal changes. Hygge is a Norwegian word for coziness and may have originated from the word hug. Winter hugs come from the fragrance of a tater tot hotdish in the oven and a pan of freshly baked bars. Sweaters hug our necks and fleece-lined slippers ensconce our tootsies with warmth. Fireplaces emit toasty conversations punctuated by snaps and pops to keep us entertained. Lap blankets keep winter's drafts at bay and are the perfect accompaniment for a hot cup of coffee and a good book. I say, bring on the hygge.

Most of all, I am glad for seasons. The hot languid days of summer roll onto the crunchy leaves of fall which become covered in winter's snow icing and finally melts into running streams of spring. Celebrate each one and love your favorite.

Anti-scurvy medication

'Tis the Season

Here we go, folks. The season of madness is upon us. Frankly, the countdown to Christmas seems to start the day after Labor Day as retailers chomp at the bit to start their holiday playlists and hang the garlands. Officially, we are now in full swing with Black Friday "finished" and inboxes filled with the latest can't-miss offers.

I will spare you another scroogish post despite the temptation to do so. I also promised my daughter I wouldn't hang up another picture of a Christmas tree and call it good. Therefore, I will clean up my act a bit and focus on a few things that are good during this season.

Holiday foods are always a favorite. This is not the time to listen to beleaguered dietitians touting ways to stave off overeating (eating celery before going to a party, really?). We don't need to indulge until we groan in despair but there are delicacies that make rare appearances during this season and one must take advantage of such goodness. Fancy cookies, this and thats covered in almond bark or chocolate, peppermint ice cream and a host of traditional family dishes lead the pack for indulging. January will arrive soon enough and we need to be prepared.

Traditions are family specific and can be enjoyed for many years. A pot of wild rice soup on Christmas eve is one of our rituals. The earthy smell of mushrooms mixed with wild rice and aromatic veggies is a welcome fragrance when returning home from a Christmas eve service. Adding a cup of cream to the broth amps up the taste-o-meter, for sure. After the last drop is slurped and the dishes are loaded in the dishwasher, gifts are exchanged. My packages are wrapped in last year's post-season discounted paper (who doesn't love blue penguins?) and sans bows. Spending money on something that will be trashed almost instantly is not in my DNA.

Christmas lights are charming when used correctly. Simple strings of white lights add a soft glow to whatever they are adorning. Old fashioned Christmas bulbs give a nostalgic pop to a tree or window frame. That being said, less is more. The gaudy glow of blow-up Santas and the frenetic flashing of over zealous decorating is a lesson in excess. And for the love of Pete, Christmas lights should be taken down before Valentine's day.

It goes without saying that holidays are about families. Over the years, my family gatherings have morphed from large gatherings with three generations mingling, eating, laughing and playing games to smaller groups with more subdued pursuits. The sign of a healthy family is being able to roll with the circumstances. We have enough pressure in our daily doings without adding holiday perfectionism to the list. Enjoy the people who you are with and let the unreasonable demands go.

I hope your holiday season is going well so far. Eat some favorite goodies. Have coffee with a friend. Read a good book. Bundle up and take a walk. Hang a string of lights if you wish. And stay focused on what is important.

 

Awareness

It seems that any given day, week or month has been given fill-in-the-blank awareness status. There are the big extravaganzas such as Great American Smokeout Day on November 16, Wear Red Day on February 3 and, lest we forget, Colorectal Awareness Month in March (book your roto rooter exam early). Lesser known events are World Rabies Day on September 8 (a.k.a. Know Your Skunk Day) and Fungal Disease Awareness week in August (not touching that one). My land locked friends can probably pass on Rip Current Awareness week in June and Tsunami Preparedness week in March. October has a couple of big ones, National Check Your Meds day and National Medical Librarians month (do they handle particularly heavy books?). My personal favorite is Don't Fry Day on May 26. I've marked that one on next year's calendar.

I do not know the legalities that result in an awareness status for certain causes. I suspect it has something to do with powerful people and politics, neither of which I am particularly interested in. I would suggest, however, that we each have the right to declare our own days of distinction if we so desire. Here are a few of mine.

1) National Couch Potato week--Feel free to pick any month for this celebration. Heck, I say every week should be sprinkled with plenty of couch time, especially if a good book and coffee are involved. I am not ashamed to say that I love my couch more than my sneakers. And couch time is cheaper than trips to Belize or the Holy Land. We can wear our Naugahyde ribbons with pride and boldly sit when we need a break. Naysayers, look away.

2) National No Christmas Music Allowed in Retail Centers Month(s)--The weekend after Halloween, a store I frequent was playing a country western track of Christmas music while I was trying to shop. I found it grating to the nerves. It should be illegal to blare Christmas music before Thanksgiving. It's bad enough the Christmas candy is nestled next to the ghost and goblin stuff in mid-October. Give us a few more weeks of neutrality before the holiday insanity begins.

3) International Reformation Day--This is a real one folks. It commemorates the day Martin Luther nailed his Ninety-five Theses on the door of his local church in protest of certain religious practices (500 years ago, in case you are wondering). My siblings and I were banned from trick or treating and in its stead we were required to attend a Reformation Rally. The guest speaker was usually a man of theological distinction from a nearby college. It was a hard sell when you are a kid. Hundreds of people in a stuffy gymnasium and not a candy wrapper in sight. Times have changed and many little reformers are now found going door to door with the rest of the tricksters. Sorry, Martin.

4) National Chuck It Day--I think everyone should devote at least one day a year to tossing out things that have lost their efficacy. If you are a hoarder, grab a baggie and do the best you can to fill it up and dump it or donate it to Goodwill. If you are a little more like me, use a hefty garbage bag and have at it. Old cards, dusty knick-knacks, shabby pillowcases and unused toys are prime candidates. At the very least, a day such as this would force us to evaluate our earthly treasures. Don't let the maintenance of stuff pull you away from what really counts in life.

Find a way to enjoy every day and if you need to make a special proclamation to your family for a certain celebration, go for it. In the meantime, don't forget to grease up with a little extra lotion this month. November is National Healthy Skin month.

Rocks

Walking into our school science office never ceases to bring a smile to my heart. Not only do we have the traditional office accoutrements such as a copy machine, paper cutter (circa 1956), pens, pencils and coffee maker, we have lab supplies filling all the nooks and crannies of our given space. It is not unusual to see a beaker of water burbling away on a hot plate while teachers nearby bang on Ziploc bags filled with butterscotch chips for an earth science lesson. Trays are at the ready with scales, coffee filters and gummy bears for a measurement lab. Carts are loaded with calculators and physical science equipment. The refrigerator is host to petri dishes filled with radish seeds awaiting observation of the effects of temperature on living things. Dry ice casts eerie vapors from a cooler on the counter.

And we have rocks. Lots and lots of rocks. Brightly colored margarine tubs feature the rock collections of all shapes and kinds. Glossy smooth obsidian shows off its volcanic past with intense ebon hues. Pretty pink and white quartzite belie their strength as major players in the construction world. Limestone chunks intrigue with a chalky residue. Gneiss shows off sporty bands of feldspar and mica. And, no rock collection is complete without a tub marked miscellaneous. Some rocks just defy typecasting.

Perhaps more interesting than the rocks themselves is the reaction of teachers, science or otherwise, as they walk past the rock containers. An irresistible urge compels most to stop and touch the rocks. Many jettison back to their youth for a moment and recount fond memories of collecting rocks. I, too, remember little buckets filled with rocks collected on our vacation trips. My mother finally had to limit our quota. Our Dodge sedan could only hold so many kids and buckets of bulky rocks. Prioritizing became an early skill as I selected my favorite pieces of mica, rose quartz and a chunk of pyrite I was sure held flecks of true gold. A girl has to dream.

It has been said that kids are losing touch with nature. Flashy video games, YouTube shares, Snapchat drama and Smartphone apps sing a sweet song of entertainment. The things of nature struggle to compete. It is easier to focus on passive screens than to train the eye to watch the flight of a bird. Or squat down to observe a busy beetle. Or classify a tree with a field guide.

Maybe rocks are the answer. They are readily available. They are very tangible. They come in all shapes and sizes. They don't rot (unlike the mushroom collection of my youth. Sorry, mom.). They can be sorted, classified, painted, hidden, named and loved. Ramp it up a few notches with a junior rock polisher. Create jewelry or play hopscotch. All sorts of fun with the humble rock.

So, the next time you are out and about, look down, past the Smartphone and find a rock. If it fancies your curiosity, find out what kind it is or just enjoy it for what it is. Even the miscellaneous of this world never cease to amaze.

My husband's childhood rock kit. He also had a rock polisher. Spoiled baby.